Self esteem “reflects a person's overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself, as well as an attitude toward the self.”
Basically its your mindset. If your mindset is one of growth, possibility and self-worth then you will value yourself and feel worthy of achieving your desires. If your mindset is fixed, where you believe things are how they are and can not change, then your experiences leading up to now will be the benchmark of what you believe you can accomplish. You will most likely believe you are worthy of what you've received so far and everything else is beyond your reach.
If you have low self esteem or a poor self image, it can lead to depression, loss of motivation, inability to succeed (or even try), and you may subject yourself to bad situations and even abuse.
Too much self esteem can lead to the inability to learn from failures, and be a sign of clinical Narcissism. Narcissism is a psychological issue that requires professional help, not to be confused with someone who is selfish, or self-centered, which is not a clinical diagnosis. True narcissists probably wouldn't even think to read past the title of this article because they OBVIOUSLY don't have a problem with that (yeah, right). So, we are going to save that topic for a later date and focus on those of you who feel like you could probably benefit from a little more self love.
What kind of inner dialogue do you have?
We all make mistakes, or what we perceive as mistakes. What kind of inner dialogue do you have when you don't live up to the expectations you've set for yourself? If people were truly honest about this you'd be shocked!
People talk to themselves in such a cruel manner that if a friend ever talked to us that way, we would probably not speak to them again without requiring a lengthy apology.
Lets be real for a second. Have you ever told yourself anything like, “You're such a f*ck up! Why can't you do anything right?” “OMG I'm such a loser I can't even figure out___,” or, looking in the mirror, “ You're so fat/ugly of course you're single!” Those are SO TERRIBLE!
This kind of negative self-talk can come from the desire to be perfect. If we think of people who we would consider “perfect,” we can see that they themselves fall short of some goal they may have. Even the president of the United States has reason to not feel perfect. If we examine the best of the best with the harsh cruelty that we examine ourselves, we can see that things we may be self conscious about don't even register with other people.
They don't even see it.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is bald. Oprah is a little overweight. Obama has gray hair. Victoria's Secret models lack a little muscle tone. Hell, if they were “perfect,” there would be no need to edit the photos, right?
What's next?
The first step is to focus on progress, not perfection. Having goals is great. Working toward them is wonderful, but, having outlandish goals can sometimes be overwhelming, and make us feel like we aren't good enough to achieve them.
Some people say don't make those types of goals. I say go ahead! Have outlandish goals! But also have smaller goals, short term goals, mile markers, if you will, so that you can track your progress. Celebrate your small victories, and be sure to have very positive self-talk, the way you would for a friend.
Don't lie to yourself, but do acknowledge your accomplishments. “Look how much you got done today!” “Wow! You're really making good progress.” “You're so committed to your goals, you're getting closer every day!”
Breaking the habit of negative self-talk can be very difficult, but luckily you have the power to change it. When you catch yourself being harsh simply stop, take a breath, and rephrase your thought. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “You can't find your car keys?! You're so stupid. How could you forget where you put them? What's wrong with you?” Stop, take a breath, and think “Maybe I should designate a place for my keys, and put a hook by the door so I have a place to put them every day. Hey that's a good idea!” Catching yourself in a habit, stopping, and redirecting is a valuable learning tool. You can actually train your brain to follow the new way of thinking if you do it often enough.
Just Be you.
Another technique is to stop trying to rank yourself against other people. Everyone has their own path in life. Just because the path you chose doesn't look like the path someone else chose, doesn't mean it's not as good, or that you are not as good.
The life of an aerospace engineer and the life of a movie star are so very different. Both provide value to the world. Both people make heaps of money. Both help improve the quality of life for those around them. How do you rank one over the other? They are both important, just different. Taylor Swift makes music that entertains millions of people, and is one amazing philanthropist! She has used her profits to donate to more than 28 causes, including $100,000 to the Red Cross, $500,000 to a flood relief telethon, and $50,000 to a fan's battle with cancer, to name a few. Gandhi had no money, no race car, no mansion and he managed to help change the world and millions of lives. Is he not as good because he didn't make enough money? Is he better because he didn't want it? No. That's ridiculous. Both people have managed to help the world. So stop trying to figure out your place in the social hierarchy, and start focusing on how you can be the best version of yourself.
Spend 5 mins each night writing down your successes for the day, and celebrating them. I guarantee you'll start to see a positive change in your life, and the way you feel about yourself.
